Nervous Around Women? Here are Four Keys to Overcoming Your Nervous-ness Around Women

By John Alexander

Standing at the magazine rack thumbing through Cosmo, she has the most gorgeous face you’ve ever seen. Her hair is silky brown. Her skin looks so radiant and so incredibly soft. You would be on top of the world if you could pick her this girl up.

You feel the fear deep in your gut. You feel nervous around women and this could lead to body language mistake.

You know that even if you got your balls in gear and went for it, you wouldn’t know what to say. You feel so nervous and fumbly that you would reject yourself if you were her. So you shy away from even approaching her in the first place.

Does this situation sound familiar? Do you feel shy and nervous around women? If so, keep reading.

The following are some dating tips for shy guys.

The first thing for you to realize is that all guys get anxiety about approaching women,  they all feel nervous around women. I know I certainly do.

But what separates you (and me) from the rest of the guys is…

What You Do About Your Fear or Being nervous around women.

Most guys let fear paralyze them… not just about chicks, but about other things in their life like their career… which is why, unfortunately, most guys will never find the success they want.

Nervous Around Women

First, look at where your fear comes from. The problem is inside of you. It’s not with the chicks. And being nervous around women is not the alpha male characteristics in dating.

If you’re thinking about rejection, then that means you’re making your approaches with a certain outcome in mind. (I’m just guessing, but I think if you’re like most guys, your goal is getting chicks attracted to you so that you can get laid.)

Try this instead… approach without having any expectations. No goals.

Let me tell you about a problem I used to have. I’m inclined to be an introvert, as I discuss in my book , ”How to Become an Alpha Male“.

So to overcome my shyness, I would force myself to chat up everybody, no matter who they were… hot girls, ugly girls, fat girls, old people, men, people walking dogs, etc.

I would talk about neutral topics with them, nothing to do with picking up chicks.
The net result from all of that was I became really good at approaching people.

After that, however, I made a mistake. I said to myself, “Since I’m so good at approaching people and have become an outgoing person, why am I wasting time talking to anyone other than hot chicks?”

So then I limited the people I talked to… and my anxiety about talking to random women swept over me once again. It was as if I’d never had all that practice chatting up strangers in the first place.

At that point I realized it was because I was outcome-dependent. Because I had thoughts like “I’m going to try to lay this chick” in my mind… before I’d even opened my mouth to say “hi”… and so I would crash and burn. It sucked.

Here’s something I want you to try. Whenever you go out, talk to three people, but do it just for practice. Don’t do it for real.
Because it’s just for practice, don’t limit yourself to just talking to hot women. In general, I’ve found that elderly people (both males and females) and fat women are easy to talk to.
If it helps, set up a time limit for your practice interactions, like that you’ll talk to the person for 30 seconds and then you’ll get out of the conversation. (Say something like, “Well, I’m on my way to meeting a friend. Good chatting with you.” And then walk away without making a big deal of it.)

Once you’ve done your practices and feel warmed up, then you can chat up hot chicks. Again though, do it without having any sort of sex-related outcome in mind. Then you will feel less nervous around women.

For example, if a chick passes by you in a hallway, just say, “Hey, I need a quick female opinion on something.” (Then ask about something that you genuinely want a female opinion on.)

Remember though: have no outcome in mind. So it doesn’t matter if the chick responds rudely.

In fact, when you reach a point that you’ve chatted up lots of women, you’ll find that eventually rude responses on their part mean nothing. You’ll have an attitude of “ha, how original… I’ve had tons of women give me that exact same ‘clever’ rude comment.”

I’ve been rejected hideously, time and time again. One chick screamed “Go away!” at me before I could even get out my initial sentence.

Another time I thought it was amusing when I approached a group of two girls, just for practice, and right after I said “hey,” they both turned their backs on me in unison, as if they were synchronized dancers!

Now I just look back on all of that and laugh.

My point is that the more you approach, the more you’ll reach a level where you notice that most people act in the same, predictable ways. It’ll bore you rather than cause you anxiety or nervous around women.

Think of it as trying to build a house. You put down one brick at a time and cement it. Brick, cement. Brick, cement. It’ll take a long time, but eventually, the walls will be up (which means you’ve finished the toughest part of the job).

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To get a bit more psychological, there’s really no such thing as “being nervous around women.” You don’t “get nervous,” like it’s some kind of flu virus that invades your body.

All feelings of nervousness come from within. You have a certain series of thought processes that you go through before you become nervous. You say things to yourself. (When you think thoughts like, “I would reject myself,” it sets you up for failure!) You picture the chicks rejecting you. You feel tense in your body. And so on.

So what you can do to break this is to identify it for what it is and this is  very basic in dating tips for shy guys .

Notice your negative thoughts and change them. Instead of thinking, “Oh my God, this chick is going to act like a bitch to me because I fumble my words”… think, “It’s awesome that I’m making this approach, because if this chick rejects me, that means I’ve gotten her out of the way and I’m one step closer to finding my dream girl.”

Notice where you feel tense in your body, and then let your muscles relax in those areas. For me, I feel tense in my jaw and face when I’m nervous. So when I relax my jaw and facial muscles, it alleviates a lot of my tension.
Remember, being nervous around women is not the alpha male characteristics in dating.

I’ll wrap it up for you by concluding with this advice:

1) Be social for the sake of being social. Nothing else.

2) Remember that the only way to get over your fear is by doing the thing you fear. The more you do it, the easier it gets, because your attitude about the experiences will become, “Been there, done that, it’s no big deal.”

3) Recognize your bad thoughts and force yourself to replace them with good ones.

4) Ease the physical tension you have in your body when you feel nervous.

Another way you can avoid being nervous around women is to simply have it in your head that you are a very confident guy who is good with women. Ever heard the term “fake it till you make it?” This definitely applies in this case. If you change your body language, you will instantly feel better about yourself, and in turn, you will be more confident, which will result in more women coming up to you first and wanting to get to know you.

Download and Review for FREE the book ”How to Become an Alpha Male“  by John Alexander to reveal and learn the secret thoroughly and quickly how to eliminate nervousness around women and build confidence with women. You will be amazed with the results. 

Please also check out another must-read book “Supreme Self-Confidence” focusing just on how to remove fear and nervousness in meeting with a new girl you are attracted to, or click the banner below.

No confidence with women >>> Too Ugly? Too Short? Here’s How To Turn Your Flaws Into Strengths

By John Alexander
Author of How to Become an Alpha Male

Are you a guy with a high-pitched voice? Of maybe you’ve got a face only a mother could love?  And therefore you have no confidence with women?

Well, whatever it is, if you’re worried and upset about your physical flaws, which prevent you from attracting women, then I’ve got some good news for you.

Not only can you eliminate those flaws, you can turn them into your advantage. I’ll explain how by bringing up an example of three guys who were very successful players in their day.

So here’s a trivia question for you. What do Steve Tyler of Aerosmith, the late rapper Eazy-E, and Curly from the Three Stooges all have in common?

The answer is they all had voices so high that if they had wanted to, they could have talked to someone on the phone and that person wouldn’t have known they were speaking to a man.

It would have been simple for all three men to have hung their heads in shame and turn into beta males who never got laid and never even could get a girl to talk to them.

In fact, I’ve coached a lot of men who have limiting beliefs when it comes to things like their voice, their looks, their genetics, etc. You name the trait, and there’s always somebody who uses that trait as a negative belief, which sabotages their chances at success with women, ruin your confidence with girls.

Ugly Short Man

However, despite their high voices, Tyler, Eazy-E, and Curly were all masters of a simple technique that turned that big flaw into a big trademark that made them even more attractive to women. They had strong confidence with women after all.

It’s a simple technique that I learned when I studied Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and it will help you as tremendously as it did all three of those men.

In order to develop the confidence with women of my students, I have them learn and apply this concept. The concept is called reframing.

Here’s how reframing works. Basically, you take every negative belief that you have and turn it into a positive, uplifting question. Do it like this:

1. “I feel bad about my voice” becomes “How can I use my unique voice as my own trademark that sets me apart from other guys?” (That’s what Tyler, Eazy-E, and Curly all did.)

2. “My face is pockmarked from acne” becomes “How is my face totally awesome? How can my lack of natural good looks actually help me with women?”

3. “I’m too short” becomes “How can I height to my advantage?”

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As you ponder your new, reframed questions in your mind, your brain will come up with answers to them.

For example, you might find that it’s to your advantage to not be a “pretty boy.” Women expect good-looking guys to talk to them, so when you’re displaying the confidence to talk with them, their guards will be down.

They won’t expect you to try to pick them up. That gives you a window of opportunity to display your confidence with women, alpha male personality.

Being short can allow you to gain rapport much easier with girls than taller guys can. Tall guys have a psychological communication barrier a lot of the time because they’re literally speaking to a lot of girls (who tend on average to be shorter than guys) from a different level.

So remember, it’s not your flaws that get in your way. It’s your limiting beliefs that do.

Your ugly face doesn’t get in your way of meeting women. Instead it’s your belief about your face, which interferes with your inner sense of confidence with women. That lack of confidence is the thing that women pick up on.

For a woman to be attracted to a guy, the man’s confidence level is one of the most important traits that he can have. You can become comfortable with yourself by turning your flaws from weaknesses into traits that set you apart from the bland, ordinary guys.

So I want you to stop reading after this, get out a pen (or open a blank document in your word processor) and write out your negative beliefs. Then write positive, uplifting questions about how to turn those flaws into good things.

When you become happy and comfortable with all your traits, through the technique of reframing, you’ll become unstoppable with your self-confidence with women. Gain that kind of confidence, and you’ll magnetically attract girls to you. For a start learn also simple dating tips to attrcat girls.
Download for FREE and preview the book ”How to Become an Alpha Male“  by John Alexander to reveal and learn the secret thoroughly and quickly how to build confidence with women. You will be amazed with the results. 

Please also check out another must-read book “Supreme Self-Confidence” focusing just on how to remove fear and nervousness in meeting with a new girl you are attracted to, or click the banner below.