The lack of commitment on the part of a man – who is involved in a growing or established relationship – has been the subject of extensive discourse.  Articles, books and even television shows and motion pictures have been devoted to this most vexing of topics about Men.  These writings all seem to be in slow, circular motion when it comes to dealing with this subject.  Moreover, they rarely provide any concrete solutions that women can work toward mastering.  I read an article on this very topic this morning that was a complete waste of time.  In this piece a sample scenario was shared in which a woman – seeing an absence of commitment on her new beau’s part – bites her lip until she eventually boils over and shouts out her concern.   The remainder of the article was devoted to coaching on the subject of how to talk to your man.  Not only was the suggested solution wasted thought but the real question about Men and Commitment was never even really addressed.  Not so in this article.  Let us do that now.

Men have numerous naturally occurring barriers in their makeup that prevent anything other than strong and deeply felt love as the driving force that gets them to commit.  Remember we Men are biologically programmed much more so than women.  It is a natural, biologically driven force that causes the male to want to mate with every female in the jungle.  It, therefore, is unnatural for him to take himself out of the game, or limit his chances, by giving away exclusivity to any one of them.   All that hogwash about men straying because they feel nagged, controlled or managed is simply that.  The only role that these issues play in the cheating scenario is one of “justifying push” or ultimate incentive to cheat.  Okay, back to lack of commitment.

Giving up his freedom is the price of having that which results from a committed relationship – one woman.  She must, therefore, be perceived as worthy of that trade.   In reality, the lack of anything but genuinely and intimately felt commitment is a blessing in disguise.   It prevents assumptions, wasted showers, engagement ring purchases and broken hearts.   Given that we all put our best foot forward when we are dating, it is easy for Men without great insight to make the mistake of assuming that all will be as it appears – forever.  Then, when reality hits some months later, he realizes that the trade he made may not have been one in his favor.

Can a man be ‘made’ or otherwise encouraged to commit?  Yes, he can.   However, it is not by some trick or communication method.   To permanently break through a Man’s natural reluctance to commit – resulting in lasting and total commitment – requires a perception on his part that the equation (Freedom = Value Received) is heavily skewed in favor of value received.  Then he will show up with roses.  Any attempt to muscle or manipulate him into committing will almost always produce skid marks.

If you are really trying to get ex back from a breakup where he would not commit or if he did and then reneged, to win your ex back, a thorough understanding of this issue of “The Commitment Equation” is essential.  That is what will help to get your ex back.